Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Are you f**king with me, kid?

So, mixing things up a little bit, I watched a movie on my lunch break today. Or at least, I finished watching a movie I started a few weeks ago and forgot about. That movie? Bad Santa.

Um.. I really thought I'd like this movie more than I did. It's just so vile. I mean, I understand that he's a Bad Santa, but watching him drink and belch and piss his pants just got a little exhausting. I can't complain about the casting, though. Billy-Bob Thornton is such a skinny lech that I didn't for a second wonder if anybody would actually be capable of such incredible debauchery. He makes it look like he probably does it himself in real life, just for kicks.

There's just a pretty serious disconnect between the Thornton character and the plot he's thrust into. Billy Bob does such a great job of establishing the sheer self-absorbtion and depravity of Bad Santa that I couldn't believe for a second that he would actually stick around long enough to befriend a weird little fat kid.

And while were on the subject of this kid... yipes. He really gave me the heebies. I hope he made some good money from this movie, because it must have been tough to watch with his friends after...

Now, here's something that hurt the movie for me, but might be a selling point to other viewers: the presence of Gilmour Girls' Lauren Graham. I can't stand her, which I fully understand puts me in the minority of male pop culture enthusiasts. I can't stand the Girlmour Girls, and I cringed through both of her appearances on Celebrity Poker. Yeah, I watch Celebrity Poker. So what? I find her line delivery to be stilted and awkward, and she is neither trampy nor attractive enough in this film to be believable hooking up with Billy Bob Thornton's character.

You know, I loved Buffy. I'm a huge Veronica Mars fan. I even watch the craptastic OC. But I can't force myself to sit through more than 3 minutes of the critically-lauded Gilmour Girls. And don't even get me started on watching it with Tamar in the room. The fire of her hatred for Gilmour Girls in general, and Lauren Graham in particular, is biblical in proportion. And dammit, this time (unlike the Kirsten Dunst incident) she's right to hate.

Okay, in the interests of complete honesty, there was one scene in Bad Santa that made me laugh out loud, but I'm not proud of it. Really not proud of it. It involved genital punching. I don't want to talk about it. Sigh. I'm easy like Sunday morning.

So, Bad Santa? Sadly, you will not be knocking the immortal The Ref off top spot on Joel's "anti-holiday movies that are actually cleverly disguised pro-holiday movies" list. And if you don't think I have such a list, I say to you,"prove it, sucka!".


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